Tales from asshole Land

Asher Delampyr Delion
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Occupation: Pirate/entertainer
Mother: Red, Madam of house delight, whore district, Paris
Father: unknown, presumed to be a french noble of some sort

At the age of 15 his mother, working as a prostitute, gave birth to Asher, naming him Asher because it means happy, and she thought that at last here would be someone to bring her happiness. That happiness was short lived, however, as at the age of 7 she was forced to let him go to an orphanage, after he killed a man he thought was raping her, but instead had just paid to get it rough

In the orphanage Asher learned how to swindle, how to pretend to be a noble, and how to steal, essential survival skills, as the orphanage didnt have much in the way of neccesities to handle every child… At the age of 9, he left the orphanage, determined to find his mother and convince her to take him back, but alas, that was not meant to be.

While passing the stand of a bread vendor, and starving, he decided to take a small loaf… ok maybe a loaf the size of his arm wasnt small, but he was hungry, and ran off… The vendor saw him, and ran after him yelling “Stop Thief” causing people everywhere to try to stop him, he was finally caught by a woman wearing the brightest, most beautiful colors he had ever seen, who threw a silver coin at the vendor, and told him to go back to his stand, and leave “the poor boy” alone

That woman revealed that her name was Anabelle, and that she fully expected to be paid back for her assistance, in the form of service. Asher was to spend one year as her personal servant, he came to find out that she was a gypsy, one of the people he had been told in the orphanages like to kill young boys… scared, but having given hios word, he followed her to her band.

Contrary to his fears, they didnt kill him, instead, they fed him, dressed him, and told him that he was to be treated with respect, albiet the respect of a lower class slave

a week passes, during which Asher is given every nasty, menial task that anyone can find for him, until he snaps, and hits Jessiel, the lead gypsy of the camp. Jessiel laughs at this, and tells him that if he can beat anyone he chooses from the camp in a fair fight, then he will no longer be a servant, but part of the group. Suprisingly he chooses to fight Jessiel, and manages to beat him by using some tricks, and a well placed rock…

Jessial not only allows him to join the band, but adopts him as his own son, making it so that he would never suffer again, so long as they were there.

He stays with the gypsies for years, until at the age of 18 Jessial dies, from the sweating sickness. After loosing the only father he ever knew, Asher leaves the band in Paris, and decides to try and see the world from another perspective. that of a ship…

With that goal in mind, he travels to Le Havre, where he becomes a sailor on a merchant vesselheading to Tortuga, when it is attacked by pirates, who board and offer everyone who looks hardy enough a simple choice, join us, or die.

Asher makes the right decision, and becomes a pirate, oft times moving from ship to ship, until he becomes a Pirate of the great fleet of Tortuga

Along the way he gets into many mishaps, including taking part in the embarrasment of the Queen of Artemesia’s elite guards, the Blackwing Company, by stealing thier flag, and presenting it to Her Majesty at court, forcing them to beg to get it back, and most recently saving the life of a simple merchant, in exchance for his daughter.

He can usually be found wherever a good party is, whether dressed as a noble or a rogue, he always makes an impact, preferring the gentler arts to war, though he does know how to use his rapier!

So, I decided to write a book for my as yet unborn child, something that will help him make his dent in the world by providing clear advice written in a way that makes it easily understandable, in nice bite-sized pieces. Some examples are:

Always be yourself

Take any chance to get to make life better

Hug your mommie

And since we are pretty sure its a boy I think the name Vincent is a good one. If anyone has any thoughts/ideas, lemme know.

In other news, I might soon be working for the center for mental health. It will kick ass and they will pay for college.

ok, so i’ve been doing a lot of thinking and have a hell of a lot to say, for starters, I really do love this country, I love the ideals that this country was founded on, even though they seem to mean jack shit now. In America we seem to think that people can be total fuckups as long as they are nice to others, I say the hell with that, this care-bear mentality we have today has got to stop, School districts everywhere are starting to talk about getting rid of the grading system and just giving everyone the same grade, whether they do the work correctly, or not at all. When I was in elementary school there were already teachers who would give you full credit for a test that you got all the awnsers wrong on as long as you showed your work. What the fuck was that supposed to teach us? How is someone ever expected to learn how to do something correctly when doing it wrong nets the same results? Imagine a world where doctors still got thier licences as long as they gave a patient medicine, nevermind that its the wrong one and would kill them, where everyone got a drivers licence, even the guy who never learned why stoplights have 3 colors, or what they meant. where the engineers designing life support systems got thier degrees handed to them right after high school. While trying to do something is better than sitting around and wondering why it remains undone, it is better to learn to do something correctly than to spend your life making stupid mistakes. These are serious problems that are starting in the public schools, problems that already existed within the private schools. I am all for tutoring someone who is having problems in school, but everyone is so damn worried about upsetting the poor tender kids that they basically hand them everything, how the hell is that supposed to train them for the real world? In the real world nobody gives a shit how you feel, just how you perform, so why is it that when a child is in school, nobody gives a shit how he perfoms, just how he feels? In what world is this considered a good thing? School is supposed to prepare people for the real world, and from what I can see, its failing miserably at it. I would rather my son come home with a failing report card then have him come home with straight A’s and not be able to do simple addition, and I know that if you all think about it, so would you. We have become so damned afraid that if we show how these kids are really doing in thier classrooms we might make them feel bad that we are horribly crippiling these kids. What kind of life will they lead? Suicide rates all over the world are climbing, and right now most suicides are kids right out of high school, because they never learned how to deal with the real world. It comes as too much of a shock to these kids that people actually expect them to get the right awnsers, and not merely fake it. They cant deal with the fact that there isnt anyone holding thier hand through life anymore, because the days of gradually turning people into independant beings is over. I personally witnessed someone I loved having to go through this, she hasnt killed herself, at least not in the literal sense, though I really doubt that she will ever move out of her mother’s house and have her own life.

The Reason that I am thinking about all of this is because Christie gave me the biggest piece of news a man can ever get, In October, im going to be a father. It made me think about my life, and made me take a real critical look at the world that my child is going to inherit. I can promise you this, I will make damn sure that my kid takes the time to learn the correct way to do anything, not just the easy way, I’ll home school him if I have to to make sure that he will learn to go after what he needs, not wait for someone to give it to him. I will make damn sure that my child is better than this bullshit system we have in place. My child wont just inherit the world, he will take it. Because I honestly believe that the potential of any individual is unlimited and that the most important thing a parent can teach thier child is to think for themselves.

So I might soon be mking somewhere around 20/hour as a senior network tech up here. seriously kick ass. I have been listening to a lot of Wolfsheim lately, if you don’t know who he is I would highly suggest checking some of hi stuff out. it kicks ass. Kinda depressing music most of the time but very good. my favourite song is Youth and Greed. it basically gets the message acrss that you cannot be afraid to love others. Fear is the least rational and most harmful emotion we have, there are only a few times where fear can really be a good thing yet I know people who are afraid of damn near everything, afraid of what others might think. or even afriad that they will fail. Of course you will fail at some point in your life, failure is not improtant it is how you handle failure that really defines you as a person. We fail and we suceed all the time i our lives, unfortuanately people only really remember our failures most of the time. Take time out of every day and applaud yourself on the thigs that you do/did well, it will drastically help your self-esteem. Go ahead, try it. Live life, if you are living in fear then you are wasting the life that you have been given and might as well have been aborted.

Wolfsheim

Youth And Greed:

She once was 17 but she never fall
in love
Because she never felt the same
Like the other ones at school
Like all the other boys and girls around
Misery - talk to me
Youth and greed - walk with me
Now she's 33 but there isn't anything
The reallity changed in her life
Not a moment not a while
She is married, bore a child
Growing old, growing older all the time
And she cries
A whining sound slips from her mouth
Trapped in here and no way out
Wait a while - wait a while
Mommy's pills will bring you to the other
side
Wait a while - wait a while
Daddy's razor-blades will make you feel
so fine

Ok, so I know I didn’t tell a whole lot of people goodbye when I left. there were two really good reasons for that, 1) I didn’t really have time, I decided to go roughly 6 hours before I left, and I needed sleep in order to make the drive up here. 2) To make sure noone could try to stop me from leaving either for “my own good” or because they want something from me/to fuck with me whichever. so, sorry to everyone who didn’t realize I was leaving until I was gone, with one notable exception. by the way, I have now reached “Messiah” status and currently work for both WaldenBooks and Radioshack, as the job I was going to get paid on commision, but not my commision per say, rather everyone got a percentage of how much the sales team sold in order to keep them “motivated” so I gave them the finger <literally> and decided to work at a book store, mainly for the discount. then Radioshack just kinda happened almost accidentally, so if I get you a christmas present it will either be a plug <meaning you need to get some> or a Calender <meaning why the fuck do you ask me what date it is> or a book <for reasons best described individually> and I should start as a QA agent at N.E.W. right after the holiday season.

So, I was trying to get into these really nice apartments, they are the nicest and newest in the city. They have washer and dryer hookups, continental breakfast on Sundays and a 24 hour weight room / sauna. the 2 bedroom model we looked at was HUGE and was priced at less than 600/month. Pretty cool right? well aparently with both me and Christie’s jobs, we make too much monies to live there. so now we are looking at rentng a house, which we can for like 450 – 600/month. with a house or duplex we can keep the puppy which is cool because I really like her, shes a good dog.

Also bought Stubbs the Zombie the other day. Me and christie have been doing co-op and it kicks ass, its funny, easy to pick up, easy to get the hang of the controls, looks beautiful, and you can kill by farting, take over people’s minds, and use your head as a bomb. The abilities are cool and everyone you kill comes back as a zombie to help fight in your cause. not much of a story line but a kick ass game, nonetheless.

Also rented Saint’s Row. This game is like what Grand theft auto could have been if Rockstar had done thier homework and weren’t so interesed in minigames. The lack of motorcycles kinda sucks but should be fixed with the sequel, I hope. There are no vigilante, ambulance, taxi, or delivery truck minigames, which I am happy about as it always confused me as to why someone would kill 18 people, run drugs for the mob, then steal a taxi and start a day job. Instead they have hostage mode. which can be done in any vehicle as long as that vehicle has a passenger. basically you keep the car going until the timer runs out, then at the end of the time limit you get monies. anywhere from 300 – 3,000 from what I have done. The missions make sense, the activities are fun and different, and the graphics are fucking beautiful, and that’s without hi-def.

Othere than all of that things are stil going really good up here. Great Falls really is a beautiful place to live, hope you liked my amatuer reviewing but if you didn’t oh well.

~Sadique